Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
4 comments:
Ha roo roo roo! That's funny!
The cat thing sort of reminded me of Stormy, though. Don't tell her I said that!
Play bows,
Zim
We thought this was very appropriate, except that they didn't specify that the husky breed was more catlike in their attitude & insistance on doing what they want, when they want...
Howrooroo,
Bama & The RHP
louis vuitton, uggs on sale, replica watches, tory burch outlet, louboutin pas cher, louboutin shoes, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, tiffany jewelry, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren outlet, louis vuitton, ralph lauren pas cher, burberry, oakley sunglasses, gucci outlet, nike free, prada handbags, ugg boots, air max, nike air max, oakley sunglasses, air jordan pas cher, kate spade outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, chanel handbags, louboutin outlet, nike air max, louis vuitton outlet, nike outlet, christian louboutin outlet, longchamp pas cher, longchamp, oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet, sac longchamp, ray ban sunglasses, nike roshe run, jordan shoes, longchamp outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, tiffany and co, ugg boots, michael kors, nike free, louis vuitton outlet, prada outlet, ray ban sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, louboutin
moncler outlet, moncler, replica watches, moncler, swarovski, pandora charms, louis vuitton, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, moncler, canada goose, canada goose uk, moncler, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, canada goose outlet, canada goose, hollister, wedding dresses, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, pandora jewelry, canada goose outlet, toms shoes, ugg boots uk, doudoune canada goose, juicy couture outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, canada goose, coach outlet, ugg pas cher, pandora jewelry, moncler, supra shoes, thomas sabo, montre pas cher, pandora charms, swarovski crystal, bottes ugg, moncler, karen millen, links of london, louis vuitton, sac louis vuitton pas cher, louis vuitton, marc jacobs
Post a Comment